Happy Sunday everyone! My day got off to a good start with brunch with a couple of friends. Going out to eat is a challenge for me, yet I also enjoy it when I actually do it, so it’s quite the conundrum to be in. For example, this morning I woke up part excited, but also part terrified about going out. All of my fear was related to the ED though. What am I going to order? What looks “safest”? If I eat this now, what will the rest of my day look like? These are just a few of the many questions running through my mind. I tried to take some deep breaths though and focus on what I was looking forward to, which was spending time with my friends, and how that aligned with my true values of connection and relationships. When I got to the restaurant I tried to keep this mind when ordering, which was difficult since the calories were listed on the menu, but I did my best. I ordered a smoked ham and cheese omelette with roasted potatoes and it also came with a carrot, raisin and walnut muffin. My immediate reaction upon seeing it was that I couldn’t do it, but again I tried to center myself, focus on the conversation and enjoy myself because food is meant to be enjoyed. I ended up eating all of the omelette and potatoes and left the muffin. I don’t think I will be able to challenge myself with it just yet and did genuinely feel full, but I still consider the fact that I have been eating out more consistently as a win. Small steps lead to bigger progress.
Hey 👋 I’m back! 🤗 because it’s snacktime! Today’s snackie was soy yogurt flavoured with vanilla extract and chocolate vermicelli with a cute little apple 🍎 (sorry, no challenges from me today 😬).
Now on with the serious stuff: this morning I posted about 10 non-ED related facts about me and let me tell you, if there’s one more thing you need to know about this girl here ☝️ it’s that she HATES Sundays. I don’t know whether it is because it is typically a slower kind of day, or because of the accumulation of tiredness from the week 😴 but there is definitely something that bothers or even depresses me about Sundays 😪...
However, this morning I made the conscious decision to try and have a more positive day this Sunday and I have to say, my day so far hasn’t been as bad as it can sometimes be!
So all in all, make the conscious decision to have a great and successful day everyday and who knows 🤷♀️, it might impact positively on your overall happiness and success! I believe that our minds are capable of much more than just living in the now somehow. They seem to shape and define the roads we take in the future. (Got me ? 🧐).
Much love 💕,.
I’ve decided on a different kind of post this morning: I’m doing a 10 facts about me 😊! (Yeaah all about me, myself and I !) to show that we are not just an illness but firstly people like everybody else! Also I thought it’d be fun if you guys got to know me a little bit better 🙃. So here it goes:
1. I have a cat 🐱 named Mousse (in French it’s, among other things, the lowest rank of sailor there is on a boat).
2. My family has a dog 🐶 (Samoyed) named Oona.
3. I’m an international school kid 🌍 (British higher education).
4. I’ve lived in British Columbia for a year (otherwise I’m a Parisian 🥖).
5. I can speak French, English and Spanish.
6. I’m a shortie (like, really: I’m 146cm/4’8”).
7. I can play the piano 🎹 and the violin 🎻 .
8. I used to be a traditional animation student 👩🎨 (yeah... I was patient enough to draw characters frame by frame!).
9. My favourite movie 🎥 of all times is probably Titanic 🚢.
10. My dream would be to live self-sufficiently in the countryside with my cat 🐱 and horses 🐴 (yeah I’m a bit of a hippie 🧝♀️).
So... that’s me, partly (I am much more but you know, privacy and stuff) but ya know, if you have questions, you might as well ask and we’ll see if I answer!.
Much love 💕,.
Why I won’t WEIGH AND MEASURE on my cleanse.. As part of the ‘30 days to healthy living and beyond’, one of the first things to do is to take your starting measurements.. I will not be participating in this... I know EVERYONE loves a good before and after shot, and everyone likes to see results on the scales and see the inches falling away.. BUT for me, this is something that is just too hard.
Coming from the background of a poor relationship with my body and unhealthy eating habits, I have to really pay attention to what serves me and how I can help keep myself safe from spiralling into harmful behaviours.
That being said, I am not down on my body anymore, I give it as much love as I possibly can, but I know, If I see that number on the scale slightly up on last time, or if I have put on a couple of inches, it could lead to the decline in my mental capacity to deal with the overwhelming urge to ‘get thinner’... it is a conditioning within me, and one I have worked so very hard to break.
(STILL WORK TO BREAK)
Mental illness, including eating disorders are very individual, and something that only the person suffering from can understand how best to ‘deal with’... that is why it is so very important to really get to know ourselves, our triggers and our ‘safety zones’... Honour what us right for you... Show yourself the love and respect you deserve.
Show everybody the love and respect they deserve... If something doesn’t work for you, no matter how small, and how ‘silly’ you think it might make you seem... don’t do it!
Love yourself so much it bloody beams out of you ... and if you don’t... FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT!! #mentalhealth#anxiety#loveyourself#beatingeatingdisorders
Today’s breakfast with mr sweet face! 🐶 Soooo,this was a huge #recoverywin bc I have never made pancakes for myself! I used to cook for my sister and never tried them! But guyss🥺 it was sooo good,i enjoyed my yummy pancakes with cup of coffee and beautiful nature! And guess what,my belly is super happi and full of this amazing pancakes! Guilt free guys,guilt free❤️
YOU ARE WHO YOU’RE PRACTICING TO BE
Every day, every hour and every minute you have the opportunity to practice who you want to be. If you’re not conscious about it and you just allow your automatic habits run your decisions, thoughts and emotions, then you’re only reinforcing the past. You’re training to be exactly who you have been for the past several years or more. In other words you’re stuck. There’s no growth. If there’s no growth, there’s no happiness either.
Try to stay “awake” for today and tomorrow. Be aware of your thoughts, feelings and actions. Notice how much of your personality is just an old programming that you’re basically addicted to because it’s easy and familiar. Easy doesn’t mean better. Creating the new upgraded you is not going to be easy but it will be worth it and it always starts with simple awareness.
Here’s a piece of advice. Every time you notice your “old self” reacting to the outside world with any negative emotions and thoughts, make sure to rejoice. Create a feeling of happiness that you have noticed. When you connect this feeling to your awareness you will reinforce it and do it again and again. Then you’ll have more opportunities to actually decide who do you want to be. Until then you’re only a slave of your old and unconscious programming.
It makes me so happy seeing the positivity and joy spread at pride, everyone smiling and dancing; for me just being there lifts my mood. It makes me so happy to see couples, often too afraid to do so, hold hands and express their love openly without the constant fear of judgment. It makes me so happy to for once see people, who don’t even know each other, wholly supporting one another - not tearing anyone down but feeding from each other’s confidence. It makes me so happy see the comforting atmosphere that reminds us in the end that love is love and that’s all that matters. We need to keep on accepting and loving and letting each other be who we are, and really that’s what pride is all about. •
hello dears 👋
today we went to the restaurant to celebrate my mother's birthday.
lunch was this delicious cheeseburger and some fries ! 🤤
+ a beer 🍺
(i couldn't finish the fries because the burger was huge and my stomach hurts me so much ew :( )
anyway as i said it was really delicious sooo, totally WORTH IT 🤩
keep fighting 💛🐿xx
What a lovely day it’s been today!!🌞 Don’t you just automatically feel better when the sun is shining!?
I hope you’ve all had a lovely day and will enjoy your extra long weekend (woo for bank holidays!)
Despite my migraine, painful back and feet, I’ve been ok😂 I think that’s ok as I ever will be in life because I always have something wrong with me or if I don’t, it will only be about 1.38 minutes until I’m injured or knocked myself again! -
Anyway, due to my migraine I don’t think my video will be up until Monday evening as I’ve had my hair trimmed today (first time in 3 years, yikessss, dw, my hair hadn’t been done when I took this pic!!!) and I’m out all day tomorrow but Monday 6pm will be the latest it’ll be up so if it is then at least it’ll be something to look forward to on the bank holiday before work starts again (gah soz to remind you)
Anyway, anyway, I am very proud to be an Ambassador for the charity @mindovermatterclothing_ which was set up in memory of the beautiful Grace Brockelsby who tragically took her own life in June. @mindovermatterclothing_ offer a beautiful range of t-shirts and vests in different styles and sizes and also tote bags and caps, which I will wearing with pride on my holiday next week! It would mean a lot if you could firstly, give the page a follow and secondly, check out their merchandise as the funds go to amazing causes. If you need any more information about anything, please feel free to give myself or @megss_mind a DM and we will be happy to help!🌻 -
Keep smiling my pals and Bee Graceful 🐝 -
Tonight’s dinner was a huge challenge! Firstly I had chicken nuggets which are a huge fear anyway, hold on I had cheese filled chicken nuggets😱 I put these up in my poll and most of u voted cheese chicken nuggets the other day but I didn’t have them 😔but tonight I said fuck Ana, I’m having what I want. Fish is nice but not to have every single day as I think it was becoming a safe food along with the potatoes. So tonight I had 5 of these golden cheese filled beauties 🧀🍗⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5/5 rating from me. These are divine and filled with oozing cheese in the middle, and even the cheese burst out the sides as I was cooking them😅 and I wasn’t sure how many was one portion so I had 5 as the majority of u said about 5 or 6. Some said have as many as u want. I want to eventually just not feel the need to ask all of u and have as many as I want but tbh I feel satisfied with the 5 I had tonight. I had 5 cheese filled chicken nuggets 🍗🧀 which were so yummy 😋 coated in a golden breadcrumb with tomato ketchup, some uncle bens savoury chicken fried rice 🍚 topped with chia seeds and pumpkin seeds, some yellow mustard with my rice, some boiled soya beans with mayochup sauce, and some broccoli 🥦 topped with flax seeds. FUCK U ANA!! 👊 I’ve had a lovely day in the park with my family and little dog a while ago before I made dinner.🌳🐶 i also did some baking earlier this afternoon which I’ll be challenging myself later tonight to a variety of different stuff I made. So if u wouldnt mind please go to my stories and vote which one I should have as I can never decide 🤔 I know i can’t rely on all of u forever, or go to Instagram and ask my followers about my life choices, I need to start making my own decisions but u guys don’t realise how much u help push me and give me confidence to go with what I want. ❤️ I hope you’ve all had a good day too #anorexia#anorexiarecovery#anorexianervosarecovery#anorexianervosa#anarecovery#ana#strongnotskinny#recoverywin#recovery#recoveryisworthit#edrecovery#eatingdisorderrecovery#eatingdisorder#eatingdisorders#eattobeatit#lunch#beatingana#beatinged#ana#anorexianervosa#beatingeatingdisorders#positivity#prorecovery#edrecovery#foodie#foodporn
Some food pictures from today!
I had a chocolate and berry smoothie for my morning snack and then went shopping with mum for band uniform and other essentials.
And I then picked up a pack of raw cakes that I'm so excited to try!
And instead of what I had planned, I went out to a really nice cafe for scones and tea with Mum and Dad. It was in a beautiful spot and put me in a very good mood. 😊
I then baked a rye sourdough that I made up the recipe for entirely! I didn't follow any cook book instructions and it worked really well!
And then I made dinner! I hade a vegan cauliflower and broccoli gratin, a salad with a lemon, herb and tahini dressing and I helped cook some vegan sausages! I've never had gratin or veggie sausages before and I can say that they are delicious! I had two pieces of bread with my dinner too!
But unfortunately after dinner mum came up to me and asked me to have another panna cotta. I said no because it's 600 calories and I've already eaten more than usual today. And I also don't want one. I've been having too many in too little time and I don't like them as much anymore 😔 and even though I have been trying really hard to eat more recently mum started getting really mad and yelling at me and saying that I'm not eating enough and that my brain doesn't work and that I'm being stupid and stuff like that. We got into a really big argument. And I'm sorry, but I have been eating way more than usual adn having sooooo many challenges and her, dad and Holly are all getting mad at me. Like, what the hell guys?!? Don't you even care about the fact that I have actually been trying? And now mum is really mad at me and I have no idea why! And now I'm really annoyed because I've been having such a great day up until now.
WOW! WHAT A DAY! 😍
So many challenges. This really is recovery 💪🏻👊🏻
I AM SO HAPPY!
Yes, my head is saying compensate at dinner because of today BUT NO I WILL NOT!
I will fight it!
First of all, I met my friend for a Costa
AND I asked for a standard medium caramel latte (NOT SKINNY!)
It was so bloody tasty!
It was so nice to catch up with my friend and actually be able to hold onto a conversation properly!
Then, I had to grab a quick lunch
I'm scared of shop bought sandwiches
So my friend helped me choose lunch
She made me try a chocolate flapjack and a sandwich
It freaked me out because there was no salad or fruit
BUT it is ok
Not every meal has to include fruit and veg
You are allowed to treat yourself!
Then, I met up with my dad in a pub garden
When I got there, he had my favourite pint waiting for me
A THATCHERS GOLD
I initially was terrified
I was thinking I cannot do this
But then I rationalised and though THIS IS FREEDOM, COME ON... DO IT!!
SO, I drank it and it was the best pint of my life!!
We sat in the pub garden in the sun, drinking cider and then went for a walk along the canal
We got back and shared a packet of crisps and a diet coke
Oh my god.
I just cannot believe what I have achieved in a day!
I am nervous about eating dinner because it will push me to the most I have eaten in 8 months
BUT I CAN DO IT 💪🏻👊🏻
This is a recovery that I am dedicated too
I am so HAPPY, PROUD AND OVERWHELMED that I honestly could cry
Funny story time ! (Or to be honest quite awkward when it happened but anyway... 😅).
I went to a different mall today with my parents to find the final pieces for the wedding. First what you need to know is that unlike “traditional” weddings, WE have to wear white/lighter colours, not the bride 👰... and that’s when it became awkward... While I was looking at shawls to go with my dress, my dad explained to the saleslady that my dress was lacy and white so she could better help me choose... in a matter of seconds, she went from thinking I was 12/13 to thinking I was actually the bride 😂 so she started alluding to the wedding as if I was the bride and saying that I’d look so good and so on... Then I had the great idea to tell my dad that if I was cold anyway I’d just wear my winter jacket to the ceremony and take it off for pictures: I wish I knew what the lady thought at that precise moment🤣 (she was srly put out, priceless my friends !).
Today was a weird day anyway... I was out for lunch and ordered a quinoa salad 🥗 but somehow they forgot to put the quinoa in 🤨 (okay... AN was happy I admit).
This was snack in my new bowl (sooo fancy I know! Have you noticed I have a vast array of new dishes 😙 I’m living the instalife that’s why hehe). It was my usual soy yogurt with a passion fruit and a nectarine.
Much love 💕,.
Buongiorno ! 👋
lunch in italy today !
(i live in france but very near italy so we spent the day in Ventimiglia with my cousins)
i had lasagna, a few fries and a bite of steak from my little cousin and of course a mojito
it was really good ☺️
it was my first time in a long while having lasagna (and pastas in general)
as you can see in the last picture, this morning i tried cow milk again but i didn't like the taste anymore :/ hope you had great time today 💕🐿xx