And i know i had loved you
at some point of time,
Because the way my fingers
curled with yours,
with innocence not
sliding away and love seeping in,
and the way our conversations made me feel,
I suppose you felt the similar way because
the smile that played on our lips wouldn't
wash away even with floods that
ruined that of others.
But now when i'm lonely,
the kind i had never felt before,
a place i didn't know i would slip and fall at,
the hurt and ache i believed
i wouldn't get over with,
Here I am proud and strong
months and cities away from you,
trying again to look for things and people
who do not remind me of you,
trying again to fall in love because
remember when we found each other,
i was trying to move on even then,
because if not for love,
I don't know what to live for,
who to look forward to at any point of my life.
So I am trying again to buckle up
all the courage and faith i have had in love
to fall in it deeply.
I am trying over and over
to find the right person
and the city ofcourse.
Shreya Maurya | trying again.
✍️ - @_ink.me__#scribblersword
همیشه چیزایی تو زندگی هستن که باعث میشن ذهنت مشغول بشه.اگه از بعضی اتفاقات حتی چندین ماه یا سال هم بگذره اما بازم به همون شدت قبل روت تاثیر داره. این دقیقا وضعیت من بود. تمام وجودم خوشبختی رو احساس میکرد و شاید اگه گذشته تاریکم نبود میتونستم خودم رو بدون هیچ غم و غصه ای بدونم.اما هیچکس تا الان بی مشکل نبوده و من هم نبودم. گاهی اوقات میشد که با خیال راحت از شدت خوشحالی قهقهه میزدم اما اتفاقات گذشته با بی رحمی به ذهنم هجوم می آوردن و خنده روی لب هام خشک میشد. خندیدن برام ترسناک شده بود و از اومدن اون افکار ناراحت کننده نمیتونستم جلوگیری کنم.
ساعت ها روی ایوان مینشستم و به سرمای هوا اهمیتی نمیدادم.آینده اونقدر برام وهم انگیز بود که تمام مدت به درون تاریکی شب زل میزدم و حتی پلک هم نمیزدم. افکارم به طرز دیوانه وار و وحشیانه ای توی ذهنم چرخ میزدند و تمام این مدت متوجه گذر زمان نمیشدم.
"Let's start off, tell me what happened."
"Have you ever lost an entire friend group? A friend group so big, it was basically a kingdom. A friend group so strong, it was hard to be angry at anyone for messing up. It was impossible to mess up, nobody could do it even if they tried because everyone knew it wasn't real. I've lost an empire of friends. We had the leader, smaller friend groups leading into the bigger group, we called our selves cool names. We built something not a lot of people can fathom. We had something great in our hands. Until I came along. As soon as I joined the group of friends, everyone loved me, everyone thought I was perfect, with no problems with others, no insecurity, no hatred for anyone, no hatred from anyone. Everyone looked up to me and looked forward to talk to me. Sure it was true.. Then, I met this girl. And everything I had, everything I gained, everything I strived for, everything I built with my own two hands, everything I wanted - slipped out of my hands. Everything I fought for, everything I needed - gone. I don't deserve anyone's time, anyone's love, anyone's interests, anyone's care.. I fucked up. Like I said, it's hard to fuck up in this empire I've built.. But me? It was an understatement to say that it was "hard to fuck up." All I wanted was love.. But I got too greedy. I bit off more than I could chew. And it all went down in flames before I could blink."
"Is there anything you'd like to tell these people you've built your empire with?"
"Remember the good of me."
- Sad shit