It has been roughly 9132 days since you been here, number of days you have been with me. You have been there even when I had no idea that you were with me. The first time I felt you, I thought you will leave, I thought eventually you will give up on me. You never did and maybe I got a little used to you being there, always. I started measuring the days based on the day you will make me feel your presence the most and the days you would let go of me, for a little while.
Maybe we became friends, sort of. What else can I call you?
And sometimes I think, that maybe you are not that bad. Maybe you had no choice. Maybe you wanted to leave and for some reason you couldn't leave. Maybe unknowingly I have been holding onto you too, fearing that letting you go eventually would make me feel hollow inside.
Anyways, how do you give up something which has always been there, through your highs and your lows.
So I thought, let's make a pact. You can stay as long as you want to but don't trouble me much. After all, I am your home and its never easy to leave your home behind.
So until we have time, let's stay and when I am finally ready, I will let you go. You just have to promise that you will never come back.
The body you refused to leave
⭐️Now available on audible⭐️
Jared King had endured more than the normal amount of danger in his life. He’d jumped from planes into hot landing zones, been shot at, almost blown up - twice, damn near killed more times than he cared to remember. Yet, nothing in his past compared to the danger of admitting his feelings for Christian Koehler. When Jared pushed Christian away too hard, once too often, the young man finally left and took Jared’s heart with him.
Once upon a time, Christian Koehler had idolized Jared King. But after two years of the arrogant man's hot and cold mind games, Christian avoided the sexy Guardian like the plague. The jagged line between love and hate was paper thin and razor sharp, and Jared had pushed Christian across that line, with prejudice.
When Christian discovers what he believes is a common thread in several disappearances of the homeless and at-risk teens in his area, he immediately tells his superiors. But neither his employer nor the DC cops believe the missing children are connected. Desperate to find out the truth, Christian swallows his pride and returns to the Kings and Guardian for help.
Jared seizes the opportunity to investigate the missing children and the unexpected chance to once again be part of Christian’s life. What he finds leads to a tempest of deceit, danger, and intrigue that pulls Christian back into Jared’s world. This time, Jared vows to fight to keep Christian with him forever - no matter the cost. 🎧 https://www.audible.com/pd/Jared-Audiobook/B083LHJK5Y
Gotta love a bit of portrait mode! Just call me David motherfucking Bailey. •
I was laid up yesterday feeling like something that got peeled off a steam roller. Thankfully, today I feel better and had a 9am appointment which pushed me out of the house and into the sunshine. Yes it was so cold that my knuckles were as RED AS POMEGRANATES, but the sky was blue, I walked the long way, said hi to ducks (you’re not human if you don’t say hi to ducks in a pond) and I even took a herbal tea with me in a keepcup and felt like I’m Bear Grylls baby. (Oh, and took this selfie like a perfect knob.
Now: pasta, bath, bed time at 7. (And that’s not just for the kids.)
I remember the little me. Little me, who was brave and careful enough of the close circle she build.
To talk about the story of "Tom and Jerry" I watched the day before or how I have just crossed one more level in "Super Mario" , I needed a best friend. Not with everyone I smile or behave well with.
And now I see the grown up me, with all the scars and learnt lessons from toxic air, wiser and more honest, ready for a coffee talk, with any open minded one. Unlearnt old ways and loving the new version.
If you see me, talking genuinely, believe me, I am okay in your company. If you see me stopping and giving advice (like Baba Ranchodas), trust me, it's all honestly wrapped words. If you see me not very happy with you, you should know, you have really wronged (for which I have already forgiven--well, in most case).
Now you think, this is natural?
Well not with me! Self care, came with much difficulty. Prioritization, came with constant practice. Taking a stand, came with huge effort.
Honesty to self, was a journey. A roller-coaster. But worth the ride!
Among all the 2020 resolutions I read, majority spoke of self love, and self care. And I sat wondering, did all 90s kids learn and unlearn same things at the same time???
sometimes tears are for the happy
most times tears are for the sad
but what are everyday tears
what is being broken from day one
why do the streams not lighten up
does it make you weak
or does the movement of everyday make you strong?
why is shouting a form of communication
why do high pitch octaves suddenly mean love
why is everything sugar coated
there is no bright side
you can’t make everything sweet
simplicity is the complication
wanting someone to understand is insane
disagreement after argument
what happened to units?
when life is full of no hope
blocking any and all feelings
take the pain instead of feeling it
no euphoria is the same #poetry#poetrycommunity#poetsofinstagram#poet#sadness#writersofinstagram#writerscommunity#alone#broken#hurt#pain#feelingshurt#hurt#afeelingofnolove#sunflowersonthemoon
How long would you take to see me? Will the curtains that hide the apocalyptic opera which houses both the lands lure you in?
Hi, do you see me as I see you?
Looking for your perfections, the ones you don't think can exist inside one person, more so, the person being you. But now that I see you everyday, everything about you is amusing. The way you look at me like you want me to look back at you do something that makes me look like a complete joke, a clown. And everytime we cross paths I'm going to curse myself for trying too hard to catch a glimpse because you have fun, you get a certain satisfaction when you catch me looking for you.
I'm stupid. The way I am hopelessly romantic about every encounter we have, wishing on a star to be able to hold your hand and see your smile grow when I do. I'm ridiculously aware of how incapable you think I am of being with you. You might see me as an emotional fool, a wannabe attention seeker. I'm not. I'm just a romantic, falling in love every single day; some days I fall deeper and harder and I try to run but instead digging myself deeper. You're one lucky idiot who would never see me.
Hi, do you see me as I see you?
I am this average person, who looks pretty when she puts efforts but on most days she doesn't. People must get tired of beauty, why don't they? It's so fucking tiring and monotonous. See me with dark circles and messy hair and baggy sweaters and see me as I see you, in ways that counter far from the quintessential pageant quiz. The way I see that you seem like you have the shortest attention span, that your hands curl when you talk to new people or when you're nervous.
Hi, don't you see me yet?
How many meters is it from here to there?
What will hit the ground first my head or my feet?
Cuz I already feel paralyzed and my head keeps banging from the inside
Nothing is certain
Maybe this is not about jumping maybe it's not an option and maybe I'm not trapped nor am I choking on air
Maybe my eyes are closed maybe I just didn't get a good night sleep
A building in your neighborhood
A tattoo on your back
A stain on your shirt
A hole in your bedroom wall
4 things that can't just disappear
A space ship appearing from outer space
A serial killer waiting at your door
That thing you've been waiting for
3 things that'll never happen