This is not me. I'm not perching out a window of an abandoned place, enjoying the sun, looking pretty, while trying to seduce the audience with my looks. No. I am currently sitting at my working desk feeling every week more tired of this mundane uniform I've been wearing, and utterly lost. I'm in a state of wait, which is something that I don't like, because I am very impatient. Yet, while trying my best to focus what's at hand, and caring for every step that's being done, for the first time in my life, I'm looking ahead instead backward. I'm building something here, an actuation of a dream, a yearned for reality. But I'm hungry and lost, as I wait for that opportunity to cross paths. I wait for Her to book her flights, hoping that all will start to make some sense. I'm scared, blindfolded, not knowing what's going to happen. I want to know. I want to understand. I am lost in trying to get out of this skin alive, as I face this uncertain destination. Now that I'm lost in you, I might want to loose some more of myself, I only have to trust the waves.
• distraction: you •
— a breddy fanfic; first meeting au
☆ after some delay, we're back to posting here! 😂💖 i'm hoping to finish d:y by the first week of october, so i can take a short break from writing before coming back to do model behavior 😍 the pacing is coming along well enough, hooray!
F L O O D O F T E A R S
The kind of
To go back to
Was not the place
Because if you let
Just one tear
All the pain
You had been
To your heart
It would drown you
I am strong, I am; but not stable.
I have my moments of vulnerability,
I flicker like the fire on a windy day.
But at least I am the fire, when I am burning
down myself I can turn you into ashes too.
I have done things in the past; I am not proud of all of them.
I have lived with my mistakes; I have bathed in the consequences.
I chose paths that I don't regret; I wish I had chosen better.
I am stitched with flaws; they are a part of me now.
It's no more a burden I am bound to carry throughout.
I touch my past; fenced with barbed wire.
I bleed every melancholy; they flow through words.
I apologise for the things that I have done.
But I don't apologise for being myself.
I don't apologise for bleeding hard yet survived those cold nights and foggy dawns.
//Aaftab — The Local Train 🎶